The Parents’ Place of Maryland

I’ve been researching resources since 2012, and I didn’t really know what the Parents’ Place of Maryland was until I met their new Executive Director, Rene Averitt-Sanzone, in 2017. I’d heard of them, but I didn’t think they were a resource I could use because I didn’t think they had a presence in Montgomery County (even though it has the State in its name).

Since meeting Rene I’ve taken time to research and learn more about The Parents’ Place, and I’m excited to share – I would like this to reach every family in Maryland who is looking for resources.

Who They Are 

The Parents’ Place of Maryland, like so many other organizations focused on helping those with disabilities and their families, was founded in 1990 as a grass-roots organization by families, professionals and community leaders. Their Mission (from the website) is “to empower families as advocates and partners in improving education and health outcomes for their children with disabilities and special health care needs”; and from everything I’ve seen they walk the talk.

What They Do 

The Parents’ Place of Maryland offers help in (3) distinct ways: one-on-on support, information & resources, and training programs. If you’re not sure they can help, reach out – if they aren’t the right resource, they can probably direct you to whoever is. Their information & resources page links to a library covering a host of topics, from bullying to transition (and SO much more!); a Services Directory and a Podcast offering “RealTalk for Parents”. The training programs are available to parents/families and professionals, but I wasn’t able to find a calendar highlighting what’s available so you’re best option (as far as I can tell) is to call and see what’s coming.

What Else Should I Know

Since they were founded, they have helped over 10,000 families and professionals – providing information, training and support. They’ve held over 70 workshops, and offered 10 conferences; and have sent over 300,000 informational and educational materials – with a staff of less than 15 and over half of their employees are “Parent Educators”.

Disclaimer

I am not an employee of The Parents’ Place of Maryland, and any errors noted are my own. If I have misrepresented, or misstated anything please provide constructive feedback so I may make the appropriate change(s). All opinions and views are my own.

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Adversity – Furnace or Forge

Life can be difficult and is often unfair. I don’t think anyone would argue, and I’m willing to bet many of us have felt like throwing our hands in the air and saying “enough is enough – I quit”. The difference is what happens at this point – do you actually give up, consumed by the fires; or do you push through, overcoming the situation/circumstance with new tools and beliefs?

I’ve done both, it’s taken me many years to recognize there is always another side to adversity – it’s just how long it’s going to take you to get through. The more you do to help yourself when things are going well, the shorter (generally) the impact will last. The trick, in my opinion, is understanding (1) you’re not alone, and (2) you have more tools than you may be giving yourself credit for.

Develop habits when things are going well, so you don’t need to think about “how” to do something when life throws you a curve ball. Commit to sitting down with the most positive person you know at least twice a month, when you are at the bottom of a hole they can extend a rope; and if it’s a habit/routine they will know may be up if you miss one or two appointments.

Financially, commit to setting aside at least $25 each week in an online savings account – where you don’t have ready access. This creates the habit of spending, but it also gives you a lifeline when those “oh craps” occur. If you can afford to do more, then build up gradually to what you’re comfortable setting aside – but don’t start too big. The intent is to not notice it, so you will continue.

When bad things happen look for correlations to how you are feeling. At some point in the past you more than likely felt very similar, even if it was to a lesser degree. How did you overcome it then? Use those tools, adapting as necessary to fit your current circumstance.

Some changes cannot be undone. I will never get my wife back, nor will my son’s Autism go away. That doesn’t mean we can’t, or shouldn’t, live our lives to the fullest. We’ve adapted, and so can you. Do your best to never let circumstances identify who you are. Continue to grow, seek new experiences and don’t fear failure. And as I’ve said so often before – quit trying to be a one-person show. Instead be the conductor and surround yourself with people who have achieved what you’re aiming for and have similar values and ethics.

VET TIX

VET TIX provides tickets to events which reduce stress, strengthen family bonds, build life-long memories and encourage service members and veterans to stay engaged with local communities and American life. We support our troops by honoring their service and providing positive family and life experiences, during and after their years of service to our country (Retrieved from https://www.vettix.org/index.php). As a veteran I’m honored an organization has taken this unique approach to help Active Duty military and veterans; and I want to help them get their message out.

Who They Are 

VET TIX has (2) programs I’m aware of, Tickets for Troops and Hero’s Wish.

Tickets for Troops uses partnerships with major sports teams, organizations and event ticket holders to give active duty military and honorably discharged veterans free and discounted tickets. Military personnel, especially junior enlisted, do not make very much money – this is an amazing opportunity for our service members.

Hero’s Wish aims to ease the burden on families who have lost a loved one (KIA), been injured (WIA) or is currently deployed; by providing a once in a lifetime expense at an event. Their services are available to active duty personnel in a 6 month before/after deployment, severely wounded, or families of those killed in action. They provide a list of current hero’s wishes here.

What They Do 

VET TIX’s website has a link for veterans to create an account – where you will identify the type (active duty, retired, etc). From there they will verify the information, because they want to ensure veterans, and their families, are the ones being served. The applicants will let VET TIX know what event they would like to attend, and from there VET TIX works to secure tickets. The attendees will pay a small fee, much less than the full cost if they were to buy it themselves, to receive their tickets.

What Else Should I Know

 

Two of the three founders served in the military, and the third’s father had served – so all three are familiar with the sacrifices service members and their families experience. Their Core Values of Patriotism, Support & Recognition, Quality of Life and Family really resonated with me – and as I learned more about VET TIX it became clearer and clearer that they are the “real deal”.

Disclaimer

I am not an employee of Vet TIX and any errors noted are my own. If I have misrepresented, or misstated anything please provide constructive feedback so I may make the appropriate change(s). All opinions and views are my own.

Make Inertia Work For You

I chose the image for this blog because I think it’s what most people think of when they hear the word “inertia”. Sadly, this is only half the story. Inertia means something is going to maintain its current state until acted upon by an outside force. So yes – if the object is at rest, it will remain at rest. BUT, and this is IMPORTANT, it also means if an object is in motion it will remain in motion.

I’m passionate about helping people become successful, and often the first step is overcoming their current state of inertia. When you’re not doing something it becomes much easier to identify ALL the reasons not to change – it’s the wrong time, it will cost too much, etc. Let’s assume all of these are valid concerns; when are they going to change? The truth is most of them will not. The universe isn’t going to line up the stars, moons & planets for your convenience; and products/services are going to continue rising in cost (or fade away).

So instead of focusing on reasons not to do something, identify WHY you want to make the change. Something had to drive you to this point, and if it’s truly important to you do take action – any action, no matter how small.

Taking action overcomes your current state of inertia – it’s the force necessary to start momentum in a different direction. The longer you’ve been in your current mode, the more effort you are going to need to exert to enact the change. Don’t give up if you don’t see results right away; things take time.

Think of any changes you’ve made recently – be it weight loss, changing jobs, or going back to school (to list a few examples). When you first started it probably sucked, it was uncomfortable and you had to get into a new routine. Eventually you stopped noticing, and it just became a habit; inertia has set in.

Understanding this is important, because you can use it to help yourself become more successful. Let’s use networking for example, because I think most (if not all) of us need to network to some degree; and many of us have an immense dislike for it. Start by introducing yourself to at least one new person everyday, and make small talk. As you become more comfortable with this expand it; get to know everyone in your company – not just those you interact with every day. Before you know it, it will have become second nature and you’re on your way to mastering a new skill which (in my opinion) will go a long way to aiding your success.

Inertia is difficult to overcome, so don’t be afraid to seek assistance. Use an accountability partner, someone who will call you on your excuses and offer encouragement. They will also help you maintain perspective, because it’s often difficult to notice change within yourself – especially when it’s occurring gradually.

So what are you waiting for? September is just around the corner, let’s end 2017 with a BANG. Pick one thing you’ve been “meaning to do”; find yourself an accountability partner (friend, trusted advisor, family, etc); and put inertia to work. Let’s get your constant velocity angled upwards – 2018 look out, because here we come!

It Takes a TEAM

I started with a new company a few months ago, and realized immediately I was not going to be successful on my own – to make the most of my skill sets I was going to have to rely on everyone else. Now for some of you reading this it may seem like common sense, but for the last year or so I had pretty much been left to my own devices – if I needed help I could ask, but it was easy for me to believe I was a one-man show. 

I think the same can be said as parents of children with disabilities (I’ve never been a parent of a child without, so I can’t say). We get really used to just putting our heads down and slogging forward, figuring stuff out as necessary; and often, like my wife and I did, splitting the responsibilities. This got us by, I don’t feel like my son suffered or wanted for anything; but in hindsight we certainly could’ve done more (isn’t that always the case?).

What I’ve learned over the last (5) years is this – yes, I can find a way to do just about anything on my own; but why should I?! Instead I look for an expert in whatever it is I need to do. For example, I had a friend help me teach him to cook and he’s now making himself dinner every night.

I also hired an advocate when he was transitioning from middle to High School. Not because I felt the school was trying to screw me over, quite the opposite – I’m a very passionate guy and I didn’t want to send the wrong message to the other members of the IEP meetings. I also had a hard time coming to terms with their recommendation that he should be in the certificate program (in school until 21) rather than earn a diploma. The advocate helped me work through this (although if I’m completely transparent I’m still finding it hard to swallow – although I believe it is the right thing to do).

These are just a few examples, and you don’t necessarily have to pay a professional. After all, there are a lot of people in this world and it’s likely someone else has lived through something that can be correlated to challenges you’re facing now. I’m not suggesting you put your business out there; but I do believe you should build yourself a core network of individuals whom you can trust, who can understand where you are and where you want to be. And be okay with this group changing over time, I think life has stages and we each pass through them at our own time and pace.

I learned this when I was stationed on my first boat (submarine, hence the pic); but somehow over the years I had forgotten. I’m betting many of you may be saying something similar – maybe from your time playing sports in school, or as a Boy/Girl Scout. It often seems easier to do it ourselves rather than asking for help; but the risk we run in doing so is not knowing what we could be missing. So next time you come across something that’s not in your “lane” take a moment and ask yourself – who do I know that I can reach out to. If no-one readily comes to mind, ask yourself, who do I know who seems to know “everyone”. I have yet to meet someone that doesn’t know at least one person like this, so I’m betting you do. If not, reach out to me – I’ll be happy to help you connect with the right resource.

You’re NOT alone!

Because They Can’t! Wait, Can They?

As my son’s 18th birthday approaches I find myself reflecting on the significant independence he’s gained over the last (5) years. I remember when we were first told he had Autism, the doctors and teachers made it a point to ensure we understood he would likely plateau – and not to get too upset. Full disclosure – this happened over 12 years ago and I’m coloring what was said with what I heard/remember, so I own the fact this may not have been what they were trying to convey. But it’s what my wife and I took away, and it set a tone.

In the following years my wife and I allowed this to color our perception and interactions with our son – at first by doing things for him at the first sign of trouble, and eventually just outright doing it for him – not even letting him try. When my wife died my son was 12, and he literally did next to nothing for himself – to include toileting and bathing. This year he’ll turn 18, and he’s quite the independent young man. He makes his own dinner every night, puts laundry away, cleans up after himself and gives me a grocery list weekly – in addition to toileting and bathing himself.

I allowed a similar influence to shade my perceptions when I was in the Navy. I had been assigned to manage a shop of around twenty people in Air Department, and I was told nothing but negative things about them. Rather than ignoring these opinions, or at least taking them with a grain of salt; I went in fully convinced I’d been given the worst bunch of people in the Navy. Needless to say I turned into the worst boss I could imagine, I don’t think tyrant is too strong a word. To make it worse, I didn’t learn until it was too late – after I had transferred to another duty station.

My point in these trips down memory lane is this. I think we’re all guilty of acting on incorrect assumptions based on information provided. As a parent of a child with disabilities I struggle constantly to remind myself the diagnosis isn’t a rule book – it’s an identification for why he may have certain behaviors and challenges. It doesn’t mean every possible manifestation will apply, and even those occurring are definitively not able to be worked around.

Technology and medicine are advancing at an incredible rate. People who may have once been trapped inside their bodies are finding new ways to communicate – through organizations like VocaliD and devices like the Surface and iPad. They have wheelchairs allowing people to stand upright; and are developing exoskeletons to provide even more mobility.

Yet some of us still latch on to the worst possible scenario, telling ourselves nothing will help our child – they’re different. I challenge you to change this narrative, instead of focusing on what your child can’t do – celebrate what they can. And never stop trying, even if they’ve failed in the past. If you had a child without a disability I don’t think you’d give up, I think most of us would continue looking for tools to help them be successful. So why have a double standard?

Yes, there are things my son cannot do right now – and I will concede he may never be able to. The biggest example that comes to mind is driving; but self-driving cars are no longer the stuff of science fiction. Will they be affordable and commonplace in his lifetime – I have no idea, but I certainly hope so. I challenge all of you to revisit everything you don’t think your child/sibling can do; and think outside the box. What can you do to get around these limitations? I bet there is at least one thing you can change! Good luck.

Walk before you Run

I don’t think very many of us step foot into the gym after a prolonged absence and decide to push yourself as hard and as fast as you can – at least not more than once, especially if you’re older than 40. We know, or at least have a fair idea, if we did it would not be pleasant (to put it mildly). Yet many of us are so quick to think other aspects of our lives, specifically financial, would be any different.

I get it, I hear many of the same “experts” telling us we need to save more and spend less – and we do! But, and this is a very big but, you should not think you can suddenly do a complete shift and sustain it. You need to train yourself, just as you would if you were going to run a marathon.

Saving/spending are just as much habits as smoking or making coffee every morning (my personal vice). Yes, in a perfect world all of us would be saving at least 20% of every check towards clearly defined goals (retirement being just one of them); but this isn’t a perfect world – we all have other “stuff” going on that can distract us. So rather than try to make a drastic change, and then quit because it’s too hard, start smaller.

Although transportation and housing make up a significant portion of our spending, many of you reading this are probably not in the market at this time – so there probably isn’t much opportunity to reduce your spending here. However, if you are in the market, or if you haven’t looked into refinancing and you’re mortgage rate is over 5%; here are a few things you can do to help yourself.

Aim at keeping the house and auto payment down. If you have to finance a car for 60 or 72 months, consider a less expensive option. Cars are depreciating assets – meaning you will never get the money you put into it back. Refinancing your mortgage could free up some cash – and since you’re used to not having it go ahead and put it directly into a savings/investment account; don’t spend it.

For the rest of us, track how often you buy something every day/week. For now, don’t worry about how much you’re spending, this is to determine your purchasing habits. For everything you buy make a note of “need” or “want”. What drives your purchases? Are there certain times of the day you are buying more frequently, is it just super easy because your card info is saved on the website? These are the types of questions you should be asking yourself.

From here, pick one thing to change and commit. Maybe it’s deleting your card info from Amazon Prime, or you don’t hop on the computer right after work because it leads to retail therapy. Whatever it is, just make (1) small change and stick with it for at least (3) months. Easy way to track – Federal holidays. If you start something around the 4th of July, next step is reevaluate around Labor Day or Thanksgiving. No reason to make it super complicated, the easier it is the more likely you’ll follow through.

What you shouldn’t do: don’t suddenly increase your 401(k) from 2% to 15%; that’s too much of a shock to your system. Don’t tell yourself “I’m just not going to shop anymore”. That’s a punishment, not a constructive realignment of your attitude and behaviors (fancy talk for making yourself miserable). If you’re in a committed relationship with joint finances – don’t make any changes on your own. Have an open dialogue, and if necessary, use an impartial 3rd party to help steer it. Pick a pace that leaves you a little uncomfortable and get started. There’s no better time than now.